Hacking my lungs out

It's been raining all day. Pouring. At 3:55, I turned to my boss and asked her if there was anything left for me to do. She told me that I could go home, and I aimed to get on the 4:40 train.

Never again. NEVER AGAIN. At 4:05 I was still in front of the building and taking off for the Foggy Bottom station, which is about a 10 minute walk. Yes, I actually made it to the VRE train, but I spent the entire train ride trying to suppress my coughs.

I haven't been feeling well as of late (what's new). When I went to New Jersey for Thanksgiving, I knew that the way I have been treating my body was going to come back to bite me. On Monday night, I got the flu and spent my entire vacation in bed. I couldn't taste my Thanksgiving food. There went my 'resting' week.

I didn't go into work yesterday. I have the feeling that my time will be up there soon. Why, I'm not sure. I just have a nagging feeling, especially since my boss gave me hardly any work today and seemed somewhat peeved when I needed her dictionary to translate something from Arabic to English. She above anyone should know that studying for 3+ years isn't enough to just pick up newspaper Arabic. I know history textbook and story book Arabic.

(Never said I was fluent!)

And there was the minor griping about work. I try to refrain from doing it, but I needed to release some frustration. She might pile on the work tomorrow, so who knows. I just feel like paying $20 a day to go in and work on things that I could do off-site...aaaaaaarrrrrrg. When I'm there I want to WORK.

Anyway, that lit a fire under my ass to pick up my Arabic book again. I have been doing it sporadically, but I need to study on a more consistent basis. It's incredibly hard to keep up with Arabic. If you can believe, I'm teaching lower level Arabic, so I have to go through the book for my lesson plans. I'm also working on the intermediate book and translations that my professor gave me. And about once a week I go through flash cards. All that? Still pretty much works out to nothing.

Picking up a good amount of any language isn't hard. It's the fluency part that becomes difficult. Fine tuning your ear, learning words that you hesitate when spelling them in English, creating advanced grammatical structures, etc. That requires dedication.

All this and the lousy, lousy weather. I hope it stops raining tomorrow or else I'm going to probably develop bronchitis. I'm going to give myself a full hour to get to Union Station tomorrow, so I'm not running and gasping for breath.

Nothing else is going on. The fiance and I are doing fine, just living life. I'm still trying to figure out God. In every season of my life, God opens a new path for me. This path reveals another way that I should view my Lord and how I should view eternity. I'm reading John now......God told me to get away from Ecclesiastes (my book of choice for the past 4 months) haha.

I'm reading a book called Money, Posessions, and Eternity by Randy Alcorn, which I'm hoping will shed light on how I view money.

Also reading some more books about Siberia...before bed I read Shalamov, and on the train I read Stonov. Also reading Alaa Al-Aswany's Friendly Fire...man, did I forget what a depressing author he is. He and Jhumpa Lahiri should throw a "God, isn't life miserable party." They should invite Nietzsche. And everyone who has read Nietzsche.

I also brought my PS1 back from NJ! Man, what an old console. But I purchased some old favorites: Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 and Um Jammer Lammy. (I KNOW RIGHT!) Since habibi and I are playing Medal of Honor: Frontline on his PS2 (I am getting MUCH better at the game, if I do say so myself), I purchased Medal of Honor and Medal of Honor: Underground.

MAN, what crappy graphics! Those were the days. I still love playing them. I want to get Lunar Silver Star Story Complete, Bust a Groove (1&2), and Star Ocean to relive the nostalgia of when I used to be a gamer. (USED to? Looks like it's happening again!) Those games range from $20 - 50. No WAY do I want to pay $50 for games. I'll give in and buy Star Ocean sometime next year, as I saw a copy for only $17.99. But I guess I'll have to dream about the other 3 games....

Oh, and PaRappa the Rapper! DUH.

I'm so PROUD of myself!

Hah...yes, I know, a first.

This week, Habibi and I were watching a famous cult classic that he loves: (He loves the weirdest movies) The infamous Dune.

The original.

Yes, I had to put up subtitles halfway through the movie, because of everyone's stupid whispering and inner voices. I had a hard time following the plot and kept asking "WHYYY?" during the 1st half of the movie. Thank God for the subtitle option on DVDs.

Anyway, even in the first part of the film, I turned to D and asked "Seriously, is this some sort of commentary on the Middle East? Arrakis? Desert? Spice? (EQUALS OIL!) The weird words that kind of sound like Arabic?" (Horrible pronunciation, sounded like a mish mash of Hebrew, Latin pronunciation, and Arabic.)

Throughout random points in the movie, I was like "THIS IS ISLAM! ARAB CULTURE! ARRAKIS- IRAQ!"

I thought that I was kind of crazy, because I didn't even hear half of the words in the film (this was before I turned on the subtitles). I'm kind of obsessed with Arabic, Arab culture, Islamic studies, etc., and I tend to connect everything to it in my mind. I once saw Klingon written down, caught a word that resembled one in Arabic, and guessed that the language had Arab roots. (Yeah, everyone laughed at that one!)

But I was googling the topic today, and found out that I was right! When they said the term "Fedaikyn" (or however they ridiculously pronounced it), I pointed at the TV and said "NO WAY, they totally mean Fedayeen. That is totally borrowing from Arabic." And at one point they used the word "Sayidina," which I was positive was a rip-off from "Sayyida."

WHOOOO! I'm sure that anyone who knows Arabic would probably catch the same things (SO many connections you could make in the movie), but that was a pretty cool experience. If I was into science fiction (and for the most part I'm not; I like reality, thank you very much), I'd totally try to read the novels.

I'll stick with my Russian studies for the moment.

J'deteste this weather!

I HATE THIS WEATHER.

I'm not going into the office this week, which is probably not a good thing. I've been totally 'nesting', as I call it (I mean in terms of the baby...I'm lying in bed in the fetal position! LOL). I don't even want to leave my room because it's SO COLD.

I have a big room with 5 windows and wooden floors. Luckily my landlords kept two of their old rugs in the room, but it still gets really cold in here. At night I sleep in thick socks, sweatpants, a sweater, and a towel wrapped around my head. I purchased a personal heater because the gal across the hall turns off the heat every time I turn it on.

Problem with the personal heater is that I can't use the microwave or rice cooker at the same time or the power goes out in my room.

AND it's loud. It has a fan. I wish that I had my Tato's heater, which looks like a satellite dish and makes no noise.

Anyway, it's only about 40 degrees and I'm in serious 'nesting' mode. I recognize that I usually do this at the beginning of fall and winter. However, when I was a student, I was forced to go outside and do things...go to class, pick up mail, visit a friend, etc. Now, I don't see my friends so spontaneously, and a lot of my work is based on the computer. So I can basically spend entire days inside the house without recourse. Although cabin fever might probably kick in soon.

And now that it's cold, I am staying in as much as possible. Weirdly enough I'm out of the house at night. That makes no sense because it's colder at night, but then again I rarely make sense.

UGH. Like I said. I would totally die first in the Gulag.

I wish that I had enough money to buy thick pants, more sweaters, knee socks, boots, and ear muffs. I think that if I had some good quality winter clothing, it would help. Darn my penchant for summer dresses...

Gotta get working on my Arabic!

The Music Rant:

I'm just sitting here, resting from a hectic week. My left eyelid is twitching at a pretty insane rate...not sure why. I read somewhere that it can twitch in stressful times, and while I am thinking about money and future plans like I always do, I'm no more stressed than usual. In fact, I spent the entire day resting in my room.
(shrug)

So, I was looking for music to purchase for my fiance for Christmas (shhhhh he doesn't read this!), and I ended up buying music for myself. This usually happens. DARN MY MATERIALISTIC CONSUMER SELF!

I was also thinking about the music world, and what a headache it gives me.

I guess I'm not the usual music fan. I...

1) Have most of my CDs downloaded from Amazon mp3s or copied from friends. I really don't care about cover art or having the special edition of a CD. I don't care to use them in nice displays, as they're stacked up on the shelf next to my DVDs, which have a more prominent placing. The many CD-Rs I have are in either sandwich bags (I'm not kidding) or in CD sleeves. I pretty much care about the music and everything else is superfluous.

Wow did that come off as snobby or what? LOL I actually see myself as someone at the other end...completely not a music aficionado.

2) I don't really care about going to concerts. In fact, I'll go if I get to sit down. When I'm listening to music, I usually like to close my eyes and absorb the music...and frankly, I don't want rabid fans screaming in my ear, other people singing (I DIDN'T PAY TO HEAR YOU!), and I don't want to worry being shoved by someone who's dancing a little too hard in the crowd. I guess I sound like the most boring concert-goer ever, which is why I usually run the other way when people invite me to concerts. (My poor fiance, who is completely the opposite...)

3) A lot of music I listen to is bad music. (See below)

So, my big rant is that I usually don't discuss music with other people, because people are obsessed with whether certain music is GOOD or BAD. I see it differently. I see music as MY TASTE and NOT MY TASTE.

I mean, there are some horrible songs. I'm not going to lie, Miley Cyrus songs makeme to want to pluck each of my eyelashes out, slowly. However, it's not my taste. I'm sure that some 13 year old girl loves her music, and I'm not going to demand that she should love "X" because their music is SOOOOOOO much better than Miley's.

Music is so subjective, which is why I can't stand when music fans have opinions like "X is good, X is horrible, everyone else sucks."

And I like a LOT of bad music. And by bad, I mean what my friend J and I call "Euro-trash music." Bad accents, corny lyrics, catchy beats. We are complete suckers for this type of music. Case in point: We have fun listening to her Eurovision CDs. Enough said.

The songs entertain me, but I wouldn't by any stretch say that they are examples of "good" music. I feel that a lot of music fans wouldn't understand why I listen to Ruslana singing in clumsy English. I just have "bad" taste in music. Either that or I enjoy "punishing" myself by listening to "bad" music.

Sometimes it doesn't even calculate in my mind. I'm totally unconscious of how "bad" some of my music is. I'll play my Serbian rap in public, and everyone will say "WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?" Quickly blushing and pushing the pause button, I'll find something that has more mainstream appeal.

However, my taste is also a big range. If I had to list the genres, I'd have to say: "International" Pop and Hip-Hop, Alternative, Christian Pop and Alternative, Techno, Europ-Pop, Symphonic Metal.

I also listen to musicals occasionally (since I used to act, the older ones have a spot in my heart). Weird mix, huh?

The last thing that I don't like about the music scene is that people carefully craft personalities, fashion, general personality quirks based on what kind of music they like.

My fashion is pretty amorphous, with a love for prints and embroidery. I don't know how I would identify it. Just because I like techno doesn't make me a raver, or symphonic metal make me a goth, etc. I don't like discussing my music tastes with people, because I'll list one group that I enjoy, and they'll go on a "OH!!!!!! YOU DO??? I LIKE X AND X AND X AND X DO YOU LIKE X AND X?" I enjoy the enthusiasm, but I literally sense a deflation when they realize that I probably don't listen to X or X or X.

I randomly pick up music and if I like it, I'll download it. I don't read music magazines or listen to the radio anymore. I pretty much have no awareness of which groups are the best of which genre. I probably listen to the "bottom of the barrel" in a few genres. I probably listen to a bunch of sell-outs.

But I know what I like.

:)

It'll feel great to sleep tonight.

COME ON NEW JERSEY!!!! Virginia elected McDonnell, now we need to defeat Corzine!

Today was quite stressful. Due to the proposal, I didn't get my articles finished this weekend and I spent all day working on them.

I then went to the 6 PM train. The train before us (309 I think?) broke down around Crystal City, and we basically needed to push the other train until Fredericksburg. First they had to connect the trains, and then we took twice as much time at each stop, since two full trains had to stop.

We were in the train for TWO HOURS AND FOURTY FIVE MINUTES. A whopping hour and fifteen minutes more than the scheduled time. (I'm sure that the other train must have had it worse, though.) I always bring two books with me to DC, and that came in handy today. I finished one and almost the second one...and my IPod was close to dying.

The conductor handed out a free ticket to everyone on the train to apologize for the delay...so, I basically earned a free ticket!

I almost kissed the Fred bus driver when we got to the station (I thought that they wouldn't be waiting for our train) and I danced from William Street all the way home. I dropped my bags and hopped into the shower.

It feels SOOOOOOOO good to be home. The heat is on, I'm in my pajamas and Slovakia shirt, NCIS is playing on the television, and I have dinner waiting for me.

This day earned me $40 in Metro Card passes and a free VRE ticket. Not bad.

Can't wait to get 7 hours of sleep tonight!!!!!!

I am ENGAGED!!!!!!! :D :D :D

Dayte meni tryzub, bud' laska!

I'm SOOOOOOOO excited, because a long time ago I located a glass pendant with the tryzub, which is basically the national coat of arms of Ukraine. I love the symbol, as I love Ukraine.

I lost the link for the pendant. While looking for Christmas presents online today, I finally found the site again, and I couldn't let it go this time. Yevshan.com has a selection of them, and I'm hoping eventually to collect all of the glass pendants, and maybe purchase a silver tryzub one day. I would love to wear the pendants with my cross.

I finally decided and purchased this:

image taken from Yevshan.com. I wholheartedly encourage you to visit!

They have my Ukrainian chocolate and tea!!! And lots of Pysanky, which I want to collect throughout my lifetime. I had to restrain myself; just ordered the pendant, a keychain, and two pins to see how the delivery process goes. (Planning on ordering a few gifts from there!)

SOOOOOOOOOO excited to get my tryzub!

Dyakuyu Isusu Christu! :)

Risala ila ar-robb...

لم يفعل هذا? انا لا أعرف.. .
أمس، على الطريق إلى البيت, تحدثت معه.
و خلال كل الوقت، أرادت أن أموت. لم هو قال كل تلك أشياء إلي؟ هو ليس صديقي. لم أتدحث معه لسنوات كثيرة! و يظن أن هو يحدث معي مثل ذلك؟؟ يا ربي، من فضلك، ساعدني. أنا أعرف أن حدث هذا لسبب. فقط أنت تعرف السبب لاي شئ و كل شئ.
كيف أستطيع أن أتحدث معه؟ أنا غضبانة جدًا
أحبك، يا أبي في السماء.
إبنتك, لراين

Small vocab, for lack of a dictionary to check my mistakes. I tried to use an online translator, which only helped clarify a term that I wasn't sure of. I wouldn't trust it for more than that!
Vague, for obvious reasons.
Just wanted to practice my Arabic and rant about something that happened recently.
No, no, it's not about حبيبي.
Don't know who reads this (some people in my everyday life do), but if you happen to know me and read Arabic, just wanted to make sure to clarify that the boyfriend and I are doing great. This isn't about him.

:)

Posts at Random.

How do you stop comparing yourself to other women? I'm not going to lie, I have a bad case of that. I'll do it absolutely everywhere...if anything, it's gotten worse since I've been in this relationship. Habibi always assures me that I am jameela, but I still worry. Mainly since I gained so much weight due to senior stress (and my new found bacon addiction) and I don't know how I'm going to lose the weight. It's hard to do this with CFS, and so I pretty much have to watch how I eat like a hawk for the rest of my life.

I mainly have to change my diet though for the cholesterol. After my...let's call it 'dieting history,' I'm scared to diet for the reason of looking thin, for the fear that I'll go too far again. I feel much better about changing my diet for health reasons, although I am not happy about having high cholesterol. Not at all. :(

Books books...right now I'm going through Carlos Eire's Waiting for Snow in Havana which is not a quick read by any means, but laugh out loud. I'll forgive him for the lousy structure of the book (which he admitted to in an interview) because parts of it are incredibly touching. I've got about 5 books on the reading list right now, so I don't think I'll purchase any more until 2010.

I hate worrying about money 24/7. It's what I guess my first taste of the 'real world' is, but I can't stop thinking about it and it's driving me INSANE.

To all the pervs out there....

If you're going to talk dirty to me, even if you're just kidding, I have to:

1) Know at least your first name, last name preferable.

2) Had at least 3 or 4 interactions with you; eyes meeting at some random point for .00009 seconds does not count as an interaction.

3) Have the option to kick you between the legs, nice and hard, after you finish your said dirty talk.

Being a woman and getting hit on while I'm resting in a corner sweaty, bloaty, wearing track pants under my skirt, and a large sweater, just really sucks sometimes.

President Obama, seriously?

I wanted to pull my hair out when I read this article. Obama to stump again for Corzine

Seriously, is he kidding?! The Democrats of NJ are truly a laughingstock of the entire nation. What do we need to do, get 90% of the NJ politicos arrested to prove that our stupid state needs to ditch the Dems? Yeah, because arresting more than 20 NJ politicians wasn't enough to prove to the stupid state that they should CHANGE THE STUPID GOVERMENT.

Seriously, President Obama. You want one shred of credibility? Get out of this mess. Endorsing Corzine is insanely ridiculous.

INSERT totally inappropriate but probably funny Chicago corruption joke here.

Makeup blogs.

One of my newest internet obsessions is the makeup blog. 20-30 year old women posting pictures of their gorgeous selves and their vast, vast makeup collections. And these people go into hardcore detail! They compare shades to those of other companies, and they see differences in eyeshadow that I'd never notice.

(My sister argues that it's because I have no eye for detail. Which is true in some cases, especially when it comes to makeup. If it looks good two feet away, I'm satisfied. I don't have time to sit and- oh, wait.)

I love makeup. I was a little late to the game, which I'm sure that my family enjoyed. (Could you imagine how much it would cost if you started buying MAC makeup at age 14, like some of my cousins were?) I actually started because of my acne; I'd put a layer of foundation and powder on my face. And then I realized that my eyes needed some POP, and purchased my first black eyeliner (I'm quite fond of the raccoon look). I also noticed that my lips looked out of place, and started buying lip gloss. And then everything went downhill.

I used to wander the counters at Sephora like a madwoman. I remember that on trips to Las Vegas, my family would purchase tickets to a show. That same day, my sister and I would go into Sephora with virtually blank faces and use the test makeup to double as our makeup for that night. (Okay, so I think that I did it to a much greater extent)

Now, I'm glad to say that I generally stick to drugstore buys for my makeup. I know, everyone says "You get what you're paying for." And frankly, I'm happy with my drugstore purchases. I know what I like and I stick to purchasing those. Even when I walk into a Sephora, or down south, into an Ulta, I end up actually purchasing the store brand makeup. Most of my items are Ulta brand now.

Sometimes I feel a twinge of desire to purchase a high-end item, and then I think "$18 LIPSTICK?" and walk away horrified. Thank you, my clearance shopper personality. The only thing that I will spend a lot of dinero on is perfume.

So, naturally I am borderline disgusted with the makeup blogs. The women take pictures of their makeup collections, and they have entire boxes full of Nars blushes or Guerlain makeup! Not to mention the stacks and stacks of MAC eyeshadows! That is INSANE! I know that a lot of them use Ebay and bargain hunting, but isn't makeup one of the things that has a pretty stable price? I'm sure that unless you wait for a long time after the product has come out, you're not paying much less.

Regardless, the only way I could justify owning 8-10 NARS blushes is if they were $5 each. MAYBE.

However, the girls who have a large following get a special consolation prize- oodles of free makeup! Most of these blogs are filled with reviews, which is great if you're looking for a certain product. The reviews I've read seem fairly honest, as makeup aficionados are genetically unable to hide their disgust with an inferior product.

So, I guess to get a lot, you have to spend a lot. Which is okay for the bloggers, I'm sure.

But still. I try not to be judgemental, and I really understand the excitement and artistry of purchasing and applying makeup. I just wonder how much dinero they spend a month on their various "hauls" as they call it.

(Okay, so if you call every shopping expedition a "haul," you have a serious problem. Take me, for example.)

And then of course most makeup lovers usually have a taste for fashion too. And then there's the wardrobe shopping! I mean, yikes!

I also wonder if they throw away products that they've had for more than a few years (which a lot of 'experts' suggest). Because HOW LONG does it take to finish up 6 MAC eye palettes? I still have some from Lancome that I had since I was 15! I haven't finished them yet!

Questions, questions, questions.

I however, am only borderline disgusted because those blogs are entertaining. Strangely enough (and maybe this isn't good for the makeup companies), I don't have the urge to purchase any new makeup. I walked through my local Target yesterday, thinking about buying a Neutrogena lipgloss. After spotting the $7.64 tag on the rack, I beat a hasty retreat and didn't look back.

The makeup blogs, in fact, in seeing how much people owned, inspired me to dig out my makeup collection and see how much I had. And yes, I have quite a bit. (4-5 small makeup bags full, to be exact) And now I am going to try to use all of them. Since I'm not planning on purchasing any more, I think that it is a fruitful endeavor.

So thank you, makeup blogs. Oh yeah, and the pretty-ness factor, and the satisfaction of vicariously shopping through them? Love it.